Luke's Story
Luke’s story
"I've been married for the past six years to my lovely wife Suzanne. We have two daughters aged 2 and 3 and a half.
My wife suffered a back injury in 1999 and since then she has had many operations with the major operations being a back fusion and more recently a spinal cord block. All of these operations have done little to alleviate my wife's constant and persistent pain.
My wife's persistent pain has greatly affected my family. More importantly it has affected my wife on a daily basis. We can only drive up to 20 minutes at a time before we have to stop for my wife to have a break. Family holidays we have to plan around my wife's back, including on where and how we travel. Then there is the day to day activities that we have to be mindful of such as not lifting the washing, not bending over too far when changing beds and limiting the times she picks up the children.
Over the years I found myself getting home from work and asking my wife about her back. In March 2007 I discovered that I was not being present to my wife's condition. What I mean is that I was asking the questions about how she was going, but I wasn't listening to her answer. In my own mind I expected the same answers I had always been given. As I considered this I thought back to all the times I was argumentative, lazy and generally unhelpful. I became resigned to the fact that my wife may be like this for a very long time and there is nothing I can do about it. As I looked back on some specific events I can only now see the impact my actions had on my wife. I can now see the pain in her eyes almost instantly increase.
I soon discovered that I was waiting for my wife's back to get better. I was hoping one day she would wake up and it would be all right or that a miracle cure would be found. I was never living for the now. If I was to continue being this way I knew I would never fully understand my wife's frustration, constant pain and her way of always being. The way I was being also started seeing us as a couple drifting apart. We lost our connection and closeness.
I saw my family's probable future if I continued down this same old road. Feelings of anger, frustration, loneliness and helplessness came to mind. In March 2007 I decided to do something about this. I became more genuinely interested about my wife's condition. I started to identify things that I said and did that triggered my wife's pain levels. I made efforts to reduce my wife's pain by my actions and words. I once again suddenly became a husband living in the now and not waiting for something to happen.
I now want to help other families whose loved ones live in persistent pain. I have became a member of the Chronic Pain Association of Australia and I'm committed to supporting families of persons who suffer from persistent pain".
If you are a carer of someone living with chronic pain please contact us. We may be able to help.