I Care fore Someone in Pain

Living With Chronic Pain

I Know or Care For Someone In Pain

By Margaret Knight, Support and Carer Support Programs

Caring for someone in pain is a very special challenge, as pain can be frightening not only for the person experiencing it, but also for people close to them.

Do you have a workmate, friend, or relative that suffers from persistent pain? Are you the carer of such a person? Please read on as we attempt to help you understand and deal with this frustrating situation.

Frustration is definitely the word for the chronic pain scenario. Mostly people recover from their injuries or illnesses. People are sympathetic and help out for a short while and then their relationship returns to normal. When a condition becomes chronic we don't know how to deal with it. We expect our medical system to investigate, diagnose and cure. Medical science does not have any straightforward answers for chronic conditions. Headway is being made into the understanding of chronic pain through research but still, every person is different and investigation can be prolonged, tedious, and result in many different treatments and medications being trialled before a positive result is found.

It is entirely possible for the pain warning system to develop a 'hiccup' and cause devastating pain that the medical professionals are unable to show with an x ray or other investigation. This does not mean that the pain is not real. It just means that medical science has not yet devised a test that shows problems in the pain warning system. This type of pain, although it can be severe, mostly hurts on activity. It usually does not mean that more harm is being caused. We all get sore muscles when we use parts of our body we have not used for a while. Pacing is a vital skill that people in pain can learn to overcome this problem. See "Pacing" for more detail.

Meanwhile life goes on and we all have to learn to live with the situation and try for the best quality of life possible under the circumstances. How?

  • Learn all you can about the condition 'chronic pain'. You can find more information from the "Explaining how the nervous system contributes to chronic pain" page and the "How does the immune system contribute to my pain" page
  • When the person living with pain has undergone medical examinations and all dangerous conditions have been ruled out, the time has come to realise that life is passing and that the person most concerned needs to learn about self-management of their pain and other symptoms. You can begin to find out about these new skills from this web site, pain management clinics, rehab clinics, books, support groups and links on this site.
  • There is a delicate balance between ignoring someone in chronic pain and trying to do too much for them. The 'mistake of love' can mean doing for others what they can do for themselves. Treat someone as ill and they become ill. Your loved one or friend has a genuine problem and most likely cannot do everything that someone without a pain problem can do. However many people in pain are quite inactive and become physically unfit, which can lead to unbalanced muscle groups and strange postures. This can lead to more problems and more pain. Most people in pain need to be active, not inactive. The more in balance the body is the less pain. Perhaps you could arrange with your doctor for some sessions with a physio or occupational therapist to work out a graduated return to movement program. Often walking in warm water is good or just a short walk up the street gradually getting longer. Find a balance between rest, activity and exercise. See the page on "Exercising with Chronic Pain"
  • Avoid doing for the person in pain what they can do for themselves. This does not mean you must stop doing favours or acts of kindness. Carefully consider what you are doing and whether you are really helping them stay inactive by doing things for them.
  • Show appreciation when they do something for themselves or for others. This is good for their self-esteem that is often suffering as well. Decide with them some tasks that they can do each day. Allow them to contribute according to their ability.
  • Accept feeling angry and guilty as normal human emotions and try to channel them into positive actions e.g. pull some weeds or only feel guilty on Mondays.
  • Say what you are trying to communicate in a simple and direct manner. Practice expressing emotional feelings. Actions such as grimaces, sarcasm, slamming doors are wasted energy.
  • Chronic pain can destroy a family through role reversals, financial and legal worries, medicines, doctors and hospital visits, emotional trauma, and other factors. Stress and depression can affect anyone. If you see the need ask for help from a financial advisor or seek some professional counselling.
  • Remember putting the kids to bed, cleaning up after dinner, putting the garbage out can be great aphrodisiacs!
  • Learn all you can about the medicines your loved one or friend is taking so that you can be aware of side effects and what the medicines are for so that you can help them manage wisely. Make a list of medicines to take to doctor visits and hospitals (include natural supplements). You can obtain information about medicines from Medicines line: 1300 888 763 for the cost of a local call.
  • Remember to have fun. It is worth discovering enjoyable fun activities that you can all enjoy and that make up happy memories whether it is a walk in the sunset, feeding birds, playing monopoly, looking at photos, and take some time apart for yourself without feeling guilty. You will then be refreshed to deal with this frustrating problem.

With patience, knowledge, humour, persistence and a dose of courage, you can make a difference and improve the quality of the lives you are living.

WATCH THIS SPACE FOR ANNOUNCEMENTS OF FAMILY AND SUPPORTERS EVENTS! Chronic Pain Switzerland holds regular events to support carers.

Click here to read about Luke, who cares for his wife Suzanne who is living with pain.